Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
