Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
