I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize