I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
