capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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