somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
