remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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