eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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