Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
