I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
