Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
