so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
