omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
that is very illegal...i love you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
