Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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