You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize