I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
