people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
