I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
