Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
