It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
