I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
