Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
birth control should be required to get into college
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
