I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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