shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
