Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
4 words: hood of his car
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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