i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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