so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
