She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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