Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We need a shit load of segways right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
