Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
