i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
