my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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