Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
