it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
