So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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