my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
