She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
