Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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