i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
