i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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