I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
