I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
