Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
