what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
