Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
