just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
