I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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