how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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