No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
