she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
