I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
