you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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