Barsexuality is the new black.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
