I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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