I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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