How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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