I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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