all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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