i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
