if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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