OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
