I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
