How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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