That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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