Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
