I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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