I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
