you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My ATM looks so different sober.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can I color on your dick again?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
