i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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