dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
there is puke in my bra ... again
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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