OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
