You smell like a Billy Joel song
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize